Posted on December 3, 2013
I am always this intense and worried. A slight change in life would freak me out so easily. This summer I experienced my first panic attack because of a big move in my career. My heart was beating too fast as if I could feel that I was about to burst and pass out. That night I was taken to the ER and they gave me a full body check. No one was really asking about what exactly happened to me because at the time I didn’t even have a clue about it, panic attack. I’ve heard people talk about it before but it never occurred to me that I might just be the same as everyone else who also experiences panic attack on a regular basis. I was born worried. It runs in the family. Well I guess my close friends already knew this when I was still in highschool. I mean, me worrying over the slightest thing in the world. They always noticed something different about me. And just now I realized that all these years they have been a pretty good at putting me at ease. You have no idea, I used to make a fuss of everything, literally everything. Things got better when we’re spending a lot of time together but now everyone’s gone off to colleges and we barely meet once a month. And I don’t get to spend as much time as I used to with my girls. Things have gotten worse again. And well I guess ever since Mia graduated from Forever Princess, I’ve lost a friend too. So I reckon that this might have traumatized me a bit . Anyways, I have been trying hard to fix this on my own. Despite the fact that I don’t have a great therapist like Dr. Knutz, I remember how Mia was advised when she was in a similar situation. That’s right, be honest with yourself. And suddenly, it sprang to my mind that being more verbal about my feelings does help because everytime I write my journal I feel relaxed. I feel that I can finally take a load off my mind. What happened was that I needed a breather after all the craziness and I think I just simply forgot the fact the writing is my breather.
I haven’t really shared these private things with my loves for a long time since I started my travel diaries marathon and it feels so good to be doing this again. All my life I have been suffering from a serious anxiety and having trust issues with people who have double crossed me but it actually woke me up that I can’t change many things in life even if I spend a chunk of time obsessing over them. And knowing that if something is destined to come, it will eventually happen. People will work themselves out and problem might just solve itself, hopefully. This diary isn’t the most interesting one of mine but is definitely by far one of the most intimate ones. I hope you enjoyed anyway. In the light of my second independence day ( when I left for New York, I marked that day as my independence day), I decided to post a few pictures that I am really proud of. They were taken in New York last year. I never posted them here and why not?
Posted on November 14, 2013
Alright, you got me. I did it again. Just when I thought I was eventually becoming a better blogger, it turned out that I failed myself and you all over again. Well I guess old habits die hard. But remember what I said about this semester getting really intense for me and that I needed to spend every possible waking minute on my studies? That’s exactly what I was doing while I was away from the Internet. You know, I’ve got commitments to myself and of course, you. I couldn’t be happier that my mid-terms were over. The last two weeks were probably the most difficult times during my academic years by far. I’ve never worked so hard on anything else apart from my business, the little success I have, because let’s face it I was a lost soul in high school. I had no idea what I’d want to do with my life and thus, I had no motivations or whatsoever to carry on with my studies. That explains why I am naturally empathetic for troubled kids who are in need of guidance. I can relate myself to them and I reckon that I just wish someone had helped me back then. Despite everything, I actually felt good about it, me. That probably wouldn’t be the same when I got my papers back. Nonetheless, the satisfaction of fighting for something you want and knowing that it’ll be worth it no matter what is indescribable. Same for traveling, you plan and do research and all kinds of tasks and finally the outcome is simply priceless. Trust me, I know exactly what it feels like. Back to school, mid-terms were over, but that means exams are right around the corner. That’s the only shot I’ve got and I need to make sure that I’m going to fire at the target once and for all. Therefore, I’m asking my loves to bear with me for the following days until Christmas. There won’t be very regular updates but I promise you that I do have plans on Christmas series. It’s a tradition and I won’t miss it.
PS excuse all my incorrect English usage. I’m exhausted now and my brain is barely functioning so I can’t do too much of proofread.
Here we go again. I don’t particularly like to end things or to see things end. But as mentioned in the previous post, I was too tried to reject myself this time. Day 13 was the last day of my trip to Europe. I’m not sure whether I can say that I broke my limits because I didn’t even know what my limits were before. Forget it, I should be just proud for even doing this trip in the first place. And pushing myself to go further at the end of the day in Paris? I am hell winning the Ultimate survivor of the Year. Although, I ought to give some credits to the breathtaking views of this romantic city. Without its charm, I wouldn’t be bothered to lift my eyes for a second. You know your girl, she only gets the best stuff. This day was mostly sightseeing but then wasn’t as relaxing as it may sound. The more pictures you see, the more places I visited in a day. And judging from today’s amount, it was definitely eventful to say the least. Starting with Moulin Rouge, a private garden and a cafe that might have been the setting of a French movie, we walked around the whole district and discovered a different side of Paris. I also saw a grape garden in the middle of finding my way to the metro, the most unappealing and dirtiest transportation I’ve ever taken. Did I mention that it stinks too? But other than that, no big deal. Right after that, we’re back in the center of Paris and hoping maybe we could go to a museum or two before our boat trip on the seine river. And dinner, oh dinner, I went to Bochica, the restaurant I kept raving about in my last post. It’s right next to my hotel - Gardette Park Hotel. I was there for three nights out of my three nights in Paris. That’s a straight truth. Now you know how good it was. The owner was especially lovely when I asked if they could do takeout for me. The taste scored an A plus without a doubt. I was getting the same fish fillet for two days and a holy delicious grilled fish with a special Asian spicy sauce before I left. Holy mackerel! It was the yummiest food in my entire trip. I don’t know if it’s because of all the meat I’d had for the past 12 days or the fact that I was still filled with oriental culture.Their fish is gotta be something! It totally deserves more love and likes! I have the address below, be sure to try it out when you go to Paris.
Bochica - 6 Rue Rochebrune, 75011, France Tel: +33 1 73 71 56 98
So that wraps up my trip to Europe. What a journey it’s been! I hope y’all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.
Posted on November 12, 2013
When I get my hopes up, good things happen. Always.
By the wonderful side of me